My biggest, most ugly and frustrating character trait, is what I have come to call The Psychic Pessimist.  Even though he is about as trustworthy as flashing neon signed fortune teller on 8th Avenue, I can’t manage to throw him or his decaying deck of tarot cards out of my mind.  He sits in a large turban, surrounded by his mystical trinkets and charms, gazing into his crystal ball ready to forecast all of the horrible thing he sees happening to me.  As I walk in the door, he sees the cashier at Macy’s not accepting my return for some unforeseen reason.  He sees a confrontation at work ending in me getting fired.  He sees my jeans ripping as I sit down on the subway.
So why exactly did I hire this guy, and why can’t I give him the boot?  The sad reason is that I think he keeps me safe.  I keep him around just in case things don’t work out or if something goes wrong, I saw it coming.  The sick reason is because on some level I don’t believe I deserve everything to work out positively because I’m not a good enough person.  There are gaps in my self esteem that prevent me from living in a peaceful and mindful reality, based on the reflections on how I see myself through the external.
We use everything and everyone around us as mirrors with which to see ourselves through.    By viewing these things or situations negatively I shape the way  I view myself.  This negligent fortuneteller I’ve employed foresees  every experience’s possible negative outcome, and it keeps me small.  It makes me view myself as someone who isn’t deserving of good things under the guise of keeping me safe from possible harm.
Yoga helps me to give my apathetic medium the pink slip.  Yoga is not a mirror, but a true an honest gaze into yourself.  My hamstrings and lower back are tight.  EXTREMELY tight.  (Hamstrings relate to stability, home, foundation)  For me, I get wrapped up in the drama of my muscle tension.  How can I stretch?  How can I grow?  But muscle tension is related to feelings.  Did you know that under anesthesia almost anybody could wrap their legs around their head?  But if we were to wake up in that pose, we would instantly spasm and strain and damage our muscles. It’s not called muscle memory for nothing. How do we draw ourselves away from the drama locked inside them?     Come back to your structure, your foundation, your bones.  Let them hold you.  And so it is that my lack of faith in my foundation, (physically and fundamentally) is what leads me to conjure up constant thoughts of my demise.
Settle into your bones.  Let them hold you and support you.  New years brings such a demanding pressure to create new goal and resolutions, and then we go outside in this winter weather don’t want to do anything.  There is much to be read into that coincidence.  It’s not in our immediate muscular action where change takes place, it is within the trust and strength of our infrastructure.  We needn’t do anything but clearly and firmly establish the foundation of  our dreams and goals to allow our muscles to open and effortlessly carry us in the right direction.  The Psychic Pessimist is an employee of my self deprecation.  Now is the time to discover what employs the voice in your head and acknowledge that it isn’t working for you.  Let your yoga practice illuminate you in a way which allows you to see yourself fully.  Only then can you change the way you view your surroundings.   Wrap yourself around the most healing, the most generous and solid perception of what you truly are; an inseparable part of the divine.